Friday, December 19, 2014

The Hanging Tree

I had a really hard time starting this post. 
I've written three intros and deleted them all. 
So here goes. 

Yesterday, I got a call that a close family friend was self-admitting to a psychiatric hospital. 
My very first reaction
 (after checking that no physical harm had occurred)
was: "Good!  I'm glad she's seeking help." 
This girl has been through a lot lately, 
between job, living situations, and marriage. 
And while I've been privy to more of the "ups" than the "downs," 
I know it's been a tough. 

At first, it really didn't hit me.
I even made a joke about "holidays make people crazy!"
(Because I believe humor improves every situation...even when it doesn't)

But after I hung up the phone, and tried to focus on my work analysis, 
I found it difficult for me to even think through a basic excel formula. 
I was so distracted. 
And kept thinking about it more and more and more. 

I've been severely depressed twice in my life, 
once when we moved in highschool 
and once in my Toxic Job Environment. 
Neither of them I sought outside help 
and neither did I go on medication. 
(In retrospect, I should have sought help. 
It would have led me to make changes earlier than I did)

It's very hard for me to relate to that level of raw emotion. 
But it still hurts.

I left work at 4 to go running. 
I was all dressed in my under armour gear, but I just didn't want to run. 
I didn't have the right playlist to reflect my thoughts. 

Then, very randomly, this song appears on my car's XM radio. 
"The Hanging Tree" 
from Mockingjay, Part 1. 
This my favorite scene of the movie, 
and after getting over my initial shock that it was being played on national radio 
(similar to my shock when I first heard "Let It Go" on the radio)
I realized how absolutely beautiful and perfect this song was. 

I immediately shazam'ed it, downloaded it, 
and played it on repeat 8 times during my 2.5 mile run.

I don't have any clever way to end this post 
(because, you know, I'm usually SO CLEVER in my final statements - heh)
and I really can't think of anything else to say. 
So I'll just leave it at this:

1 comment:

  1. I don't know that I've ever been "clinically" depressed, but it's safe to say infertility brought me pretty close, and I suddenly became aware of emotional lows (and eventually highs, thankfully) that I didn't know existed. Anyway, I'm glad your friend is getting help and I'm sure support from people like you will make a big difference.

    Also, I, too, have the "gift" of relying on humor in even the most inappropriate situations- really serious stuff always ends up making me laugh, which I'm sure says something about me!