Monday, December 15, 2014

The Pursuit of Not Grumpiness

Today was not my finest day. 

I was terribly moody at work. When my coworker stopped by to kill time before a meeting, I vented about a whole lot of nothing, yet didn't feel any better. 

I can chalk up a lot of excuses for today's grumpiness. 

1. Poor diet. 
Although I haven't actually gained any weight [YETTTTT], my diet of overly refined sugar and leftover processed takeout food from holiday parties is killing me slowly. 

2. PMS. 
Prior to having a baby, I never experienced routine PMS. Post baby and post 14-months nursing, my hormones are heightened and the week before my period - 
WATCH OUT. 

3. Work is busy. 
After two stressful jobs with long hours, I took this as my "mom job" - an easy going and low maintenance job. So when shit hits the fan, I'm all like: "look, I did NOT sign up for this." And shit always hits the fan in December. Not the 11 months prior.  WTF.

4. My ruined weekend. 
I won't rehash it except to repeat that I'm an asshole.


I left work, several tasks unfinished, because I knew I needed to run. 
Endorphins make you happy 
(and finish it with me... "and happy people just don't kill their husbands!")


I went for a run and put on my "Just One of Those Days" playlists. 
This particular playlist includes wholesome, god-fearing, family-oriented artists like Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson, Limp Bizkit, Disturbed and other angry rock bands from late 90s/early 2000s. 
It was a great run. 
I ran my best in months, clocking in 3.5 miles at 10.5 minutes per mile. 
Angry running is great running. 


I went from an exhilarating run to go pick up Aaron, 
determined to put the grumpiness behind me and put my best face forward. 

Aaron responded by being freakin' adorable. 

All the way home, Aaron had his stories to tell. 
Soooo many stories and so many words. 
 Aaron has graduated from his little one-word stories to full on babbling sentences.  
Sentences full of words we can't understand. 
But he's very passionate about them, hand motions and all.
All the way home, he had things to tell me, which I had no idea what they were.  
I repeated the words I knew, 
but generally I didn't get further than "Maya," "ball" and "uh oh." 


We got home and there was all sorts of giggles and happiness.  


I mean... how can you be grumpy with THIS face?
Giggles. 
(No, that's not a black eye, I have zero clue what happened to the photo)


And then it started to go south... 

Aaron has started to become extremely picky about his weekday dinners. 
This is not a problem on the weekends, so I think its because of late-day daycare snacks.
But I am not a short order cook, and I refuse to give him cereal and crackers to keep him happy.  So once last week and again tonight, he went to bed without dinner.  Fine. 

In addition, bedtime has been challenging. 
My easy-to-put-to-bed, no-tears baby is starting to BAWL for a lonnnnggg time. 
And now, he cries "MAMA! MAMA!  MAMA!" 
Heart-breaking. 
We never had to do cry-it-out, and to be honest, I'm not ready now. 
All weekend, we go up and pat his back, but tonight, I had ENOUGH. 
I wasn't going to succomb to this crap. 
Dammit.

This is what we call the mom breaking point. 


I went down, opened our liquor cabinet, and looked to make myself a drink. 
Except after spending 150% of my allotted calories on refined sugar today, the last thing I wanted to do was add another 150-200 calories with a beer or cocktail. 


Pfft. 



I grabbed a shot glass.  
And poured a shot of Jack Daniels. 
And it was fabulous. 

But Aaron was still crying, and now, 
renewed with the great warmth of alcohol, 
I went upstairs to rub his back. 

The second I walk in, 
Aaron flops down in bed and closes his eyes. 
I rub his back and think he's the most adorable baby in the world. 
And I'm such a blessed mom. 
And Jack Daniels is a great thing.

1 comment:

  1. Ha glad you were able to cope with some angry running and alcohol- 'tis the season!! But for real, I hope today is a million times less annoying and grump-inducing.

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