Today was a humbling lesson in parenting failure.
To give a little background,
this week, Aaron has been a fucking nightmare.
I don't feel like listing out the details,
although I did already mention the car tantrums,
but just assume every request, event, or meal has been a shitshow.
And tonight, as I sat on the stairs,
wondering what the hell to do with this creature who both didn't want to go upstairs AND didn't want to stay downstairs,
it slowly dawned on my thick-brained skull what had been happening.
During the month of January,
when all of Aaron's toys were new and exciting,
we'd get home from work and play together.
Maybe we'd make the trains go around-and-around,
or read a book,
or do a puzzle
or "cook" in his kitchen set.
Recently, I've not done this.
I'd give myself a solid C- grade.
I've been busy.
I've got to upload the car, prep dinner, put away papers, etc.
I've got things to do!
And often, Aaron would entertain himself just fine.
So really, what was the problem?
And at the end of the Great Stair Debate,
I realized that Aaron didn't want to go up or down,
he just wanted to sit in my lap, whether it be up or down.
He just wanted to BE with mama.
But he couldn't say that.
He only knew how to say what he DIDN'T want,
not sitting in his booster,
not getting dressed,
It's hard for me in my purpose-driven mentality to STOP
and realize that my little toddler just needs to be with ME sometimes.
It's incredibly humbling.
We have Thursday and Friday left of this week,
and my goal every day is to come home and play on the floor for a bit.
Leave the pile of crap by the door, and maybe eat dinner a little late.
Just sit and play.
And not suck at being a parent.