Thursday, April 14, 2016

Crazy Psychotic State



I swore I wouldn't be THAT person. 
I swore I wouldn't lose my mind on my last week of pregnancy. 


But it happened. 


I have entered that crazy, neurotic, psychotic state. 
The state where the due date comes and goes. 
And despite ALL OUR BEST EFFORTS 
(and trust me, lots of effort has been made), 
baby is still not here. 
Baby is not even CLOSE to being here. 
No false labor. 
Nothing. 
NOTHINGGGGGGG.


People who drink castor oil sound like crazy morons. 
Until I get to 40 weeks, 1 day pregnant. 
And then I'm googling whether the castor oil really works. 


I know that I have an end date for a scheduled C-section on April 19th. 
It should bring me comfort. 
But it doesn't. 


Buried beneath this psychotic state is the frustration that my body is going to let me down again
I worked SO HARD to gain less weight to attempt a VBAC
So if I did all that and nothing... 
It seems like all for naught. 
I want my body to at least TRY to go into labor on it's own. 
I know it's not up to me, it's up to the baby. 
And yada yada yada. 
So here I sit in my neurotic state. 
Just waiting. 
And waiting. 
And waiting. 

2 comments:

  1. Oh I remember this so well with Rachel. Sam was born on his due date and "they" say that second babies tend to come earlier. Well at 40 weeks 3 days with Rachel I was ready to do serious damage to whoever "they" were because I was going insane.

    One stupid thing that brought me comfort was realizing that every day I didn't have the baby was one day closer to having it. It made sense to me at the time, probably because of my crazy neurotic state!

    Thinking of you...

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  2. Pretty sure I would have gone certifiably insane if my due date had come and gone, especially given how impatient I am, so I don't blame you at all! Praying that he will come TODAY and if not, that the time will fly by and you will be at peace :)

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