Saturday, April 23, 2016

Newborn Memories

There are SO MANY things I want to remember. 
My mind is on overload trying to capture it all. 
And I'm sad that I'll forget 90% of it, 
because clearly that's what happened with Aaron. 


So excuse me while I pour out a list of memories of this first week. 
Things that I don't ever want to let go of. 
Or perhaps just NOT FORGET again. 
The sweet. 
And the terrible. 

***

OLIVER IS SO TINY. 

I realize 7 lbs 10 oz is a normal baby. 
But compared to our 10 lbs 5 oz baby Aaron... 
Oliver seems so miniature

We've borrowed a ton of newborn outfits from my sister-in-law, 
and of course my mother-in-law helped with a few shopping trips. 

I can't adequately describe his tininess. 

His ity bity teeny tiny head. 
The miniature newborn diapers. 
His flailing little arms and legs that are shockingly strong. 

I say it a dozen or more times a day: 
He's just so... TINY. 



***

The postpartum pooch is no joke. 

I remember the deflated pillow belly feel. 
But what I don't remember is the belly HANG. 
Like the fat that kind of hangs down and jiggles. 
Did I have this last time? 
I don't remember. 
It's so awkward wearing shirts too. 

Too big and I just look like a tent, 
but anything less than a tent clings to the awkward parts of the pooch hang. 
Even my maternity shirts are horribly unflattering. 

Very seriously thinking of investing in a postpartum band to hold it all in. 

***

Nursing again brings up all the FEELS. 

Of course nursing also brings up crackled nips 
and round-the-clock wake times (more on that below), 
but OH MY THE FEELS. 

I'm not the kind of person who gets all mushy gushy, 
but when I nurse, 
all the feels of motherhood come bubbling up. 

The feelings of "how is he SO BEAUTIFUL?
The feelings of "can I keep this moment forever?
The feelings of "I'll do anything to make sure you are safe forever.
FEELS. 


***

Feet swelling. 

DEAR GOD THE FEET SWELLING. 
I was legit concerned about a blood clot. 
I borrowed compression socks from a friend 
and ahhhhhhh, 
much better. 
The cankles officially subsided exactly one week later. 
I woke up and "boom!" Normal feet! 

*** 

Aaron's sweetness. 

I know it won't last forever. 
I know someday the sibling rivalry will ensue. 
But in the meantime, I want to bottle the sweetness. 

Aaron addresses Oliver in this high-pitched voice I've never heard before. 
When Oliver cries, Aaron pets his head and says: 
"It's ok, baby brother, it's ok." 

He exclusively refers to him as "baby brother," never Oliver. 
He likes to hold him, though not for long. 
He is very inquisitive as to what is going on with Oliver. 
Diaper changes. 
Sponge baths.
Nursing. 

And when Oliver cries 
and Aaron runs to sooth him with "it's ok, baby brother, it's ok"
... 
THE FEELS. 




***

The first and second night home from the hospital SUCK BALLS. 

Aaron was an outstanding sleeper and immediately settled into his crib. 
Knowing we wouldn't be so lucky this time, 
we moved the Pack N Play into our room for the night. 
And STILL I never slept. 

The second night, Oliver woke up every TWENTY MINUTES, 
until 1:45pm, 
when I stopped putting him in the Pack N Play 
and just let him sleep on my chest. 
Then he slept 2.5 hours. 

This sleeping-in-our-bed makes Adam all sorts of twitchy nervous with smothering fears, 
but seriously, 
it was the only thing that worked. 

Night three saw some relief. 
Adam and I had a game plan of taking shifts in the rocker. 
But when we put Oliver down, 
he slept a solid 3-hour, 1-hour, and 2-hour. 
WHEW. 
Since then it's been about 2-3 hour stints, which is totally do-able. 

*** 

Watching one's husband with a newborn is just amazing
(Again with the feels)

I was a wee bit of a cranky pregnant wife. 
(Understatement.) 
I knew it. 
Adam knew it. 
Hell my coworkers knew it. 
Short temper, short patience. 
I just wasn't a pleasant wife. 


When I saw Adam holding Oliver in the hospital, 
it brought back all those amazing FEELS. 


When the hospital gave us our last night celebratory dinner 
(complete with sparkling apple cider, lol), 
all that mushy gushy sappy FEELS came bubbling up again. 

I'm tellin' ya, 
THE FEELS. 

***
 The first beer isn't that great. 

I was so looking forward to popping that Saturday afternoon cold beer. 
To enjoy Aaron's naptime with Adam chilling on the couch. 
But instead of that tiny subtle beer buzz, 
I got a MASSIVE HEADACHE that wouldn't go away. 
It was like an instant hangover. 
Ugh. 

***
I will never say the right name again. 

From the get-go, I'd say "Aaron." 
And even "William" (our kid swap kid) 
All before finally getting to Oliver. 

I suspect this will not go away. 
Ever. 



2 comments:

  1. Glad you wrote all this down! And I forgot Aaron was such a huge baby, so I bet Oliver really does feel teeny tiny in comparison. Every time I hold a newborn (which is usually at least 2 pounds heavier than the twins), I literally cannot comprehend how C&C were ever that tiny, let alone tinier. Crazy.

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  2. I hate to tell you this but the second baby belly is worse than the first one. (And friends who have had more say it get progressively worse. Yay?)

    And oh yes, ALL THE FEELS... Just reading about this brings that all back.

    And hold out hope, Aaron may never lose that sweetness with Oliver. I kept waiting for it to go away with Sam and I don't think it has yet. He is an AWESOME, patient big brother (about 99% of the time) so here's hoping Aaron will be too.

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