Thursday, July 13, 2017

SAHM Dating

Stay-at-home-Mom Dating 

It's real. 
And it's awful. 

I remember back in my single days "going out" to the bar with girlfriends, 
checking out cute guys and 
working up the nerve to go talk to them
 or willing them to talk to me. 
There was alcohol involved
 and a gaggle of girlfriends to back me up

Now replace "bar" with library or playground or playplace. 
Replace "cute guys" with other moms. 
Replace "gaggle of girlfriends" with a baby/toddler who has zero social skills. 
Oh and there's no alcohol. 
The last part is key. 

My First SAHM-Dating Experience:

There was a mom at the library with two boys, 
almost about the same age as Aaron and Oliver. 
Aaron and her oldest played great at the library. 
We chatted a bit and realized she lived one niehgborhood over from me. 
Then when we left the library, I saw she owned the EXACT same car only in a different color. 
It was a sign, right? 

I worked up the nerve
 (this is where alcohol would have helped, 
but sadly it's socially frowned upon to drink and drive - ha)
and went over to ask if we could do a park playdate sometime. 
We exchanged numbers. 
When I got home, she texted: 
"I saw your license plate is Penn State.  My husband and I went there too!" 

I mean, it was our destiny right? 
Boys the same ages. 
A neighborhood away. 
Exact same car. 
And went to the same college. 

I won't pretend I didn't dream up all these scenarios where we'd be BFF-SAHM. 
I totally did. 

Then came our first park playdate. 
I was so pumped.
I meticulously picked out my outfit, 
trying to make sure that I looked like a put-together SAHM, 
but also making sure I didn't try too hard. 
So basically, a Penn State fitted Tee, jeans, and Converse shoes. 
And then did the makeup check and deodorant triple-check. 

So we meet at the park and the boys start playing 
and I try to strike up a conversation. 

Me: "So you guys went to Penn State?" 
Her: "Yup." 

Me: "Have you been back recently?" 
Her: "Not really." 

Me: "We went up for a getaway weekend last year." 
Her: "Oh that's cool." 

Insert a few dozen more inquiries and nothing. 
She absolutely could not hold a conversation. 
I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me
I mean, I am one of those people who can usually have a conversation with anyone. 
Including a wall. 
But like, I just kept throwing it out there 
and she absolutely could not hit it back. 
And it wasn't like we couldn't hold a conversation because we were pulled in separate directions. 
It was a small park and we were the only ones there. 
So distraction was not an issue. 

We had one or two more park play dates before it got too cold, 
and finally I just called a quit. 
It was too awkward and too painful. 

After that, I honestly gave up on SAHM-Dating. 
I know, I know, one failure and out makes me a loser. 

Second SAHM-Dating Experience:

A few months ago, I embarked on my NY Resolutions to take Aaron to church. 
We found a church and they had a family Mac'N'Cheese bakeoff night. 
Aaron and I went and we ran into this other family 
with kids the same age and lived a neighborhood away too. 
We chatted and had a good night. 
Then parted ways (no phone numbers exchanged). 
Funny thing is I kept running into the mom and her kids. 
I ran into her at the zoo. 
I ran into her at Target. 
And every time we would stop and chat for like 10 minutes, 
much to the chagrin of our antsy children. 
This last time, she was telling me about a splash pad mere 10 minutes from our house, 
and suggested exchanging numbers to go sometime. 
We did. 
I texted her yesterday that we were going 
and miracle of miracles, she was available! 

Even better...
We had a great time. 
Granted, we spent a lot of it running after our kids, 
and consoling cranky little toddlers and whatnot, 
but anytime we were in the vicinity of each other, 
we could actually hold a continuous conversation without awkward breaks! 

Now of course becomes the next step of dating... 
how long before you call? 
And whose turn is it?
Do I text her next week suggesting a playdate? 
Is it her turn to text? 


  1. Ha ha making mom friends is definitely not easy! It's hard because you have something major in common (small children around the same age), but sometimes the similarities stop there and if the children didn't exist, you'd have nothing else in common. Hopefully this one you've found will stick... I feel like once you make one good mom friend, the two of you can start to expand your network together- strength in numbers!

  2. SAHM dating IS awful. The friends that we just went to visit in Kenya started out as a SAHM friend. We realized that we'd bonded so well because our kids played really well together so we had time to sit together and drink tea and visit because we weren't always intervening with our kids.

    Finding that perfect combination of 1) your kids click and 2) you click is tough. And not to burst your bubble but it starts all over again (blah) when your kids start school. Urg.

    I would say it's her turn to invite you but if you haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks text her and invite her for a play date. Summer is crazier in terms of setting things up and if she doesn't get in touch with you, it could just mean that they're busy. For instance, with our schedule, we're out of commission for a month this summer, which might look like disinterest but really, it's just that we're busy.

  3. That is hilarious and so true. It's so hard to make mom friends! And it's hard when you have pre-existing friends and your kids don't get along too. Poor Trent - most of our friends have kids Drew's age, so he is always bored. I hate saying 'We're going to so-and-so's house for dinner.' because I know he won't have anyone to play with. Just another piece to the confusion puzzle that is parenting.