Have you heard of Bunmi Laditan?
She is the mom behind the twitter handle @HonestToddler
and authored books like "Toddlers are A**holes: It's Not Your Fault"
which from title alone should be a best seller.
Her facebook rants have brought me to tears laughing.
Her wit and sarcasm are outstanding.
So naturally, when her book "Confessions of a Domestic Failure" came out,
I had to read it.
(I was only #54 on the library waitlist - whoohoo.)
It's the story of the Ultimate Hot Mess New Mom
struggling to become the Perfect Mom
by following the advice of a Picture Perfect Blogger.
There's a lot of Bunmi's pee-your-pants-laughing sarcasm,
a lot that I can relate to (like trying to make stay-at-home-mom friends),
but it's also really really really depressing.
It constantly brings up the question...
Why Is Motherhood So Hard?
Well, I have a theory.
And it's the old time cliche "village" theory
Long ago, we all lived in villages.
Our neighbors lived a few steps outside our hut.
At least a dozen women were lactating all at the same time,
which meant you had hands-on counseling and emergency backup if needed.
A few teenage girls would corral and manage the toddlers.
And there was at least a handful of grandmothers who,
at any given time,
would be more than happy to rock a crying newborn to sleep.
Now, we mostly live in detached single-family homes,
with neighbors who work all day and then stay inside at night.
We are miles (perhaps hours) away from family members.
We are supposed to figure out breastfeeding with a few minutes of help from a impersonal lactation consultant in the hospital.
When our toddlers need entertaining
and our crying babies need to be rocked to sleep,
we have no help.
I'm sure you've heard variants of this theory sprinkled throughout social media.
And yes, that's pretty much how I came up with it.
On the flip side though...
I do think motherhood is easier for some than others.
And I don't have a theory on this one.
Truthfully, when I read Bunmi's book about this Hot Mess New Mom,
sometimes I'm a little flabbergasted that she can't get her act together.
I'm a stay-at-home-mom, too,
and every day I shower,
dress in clean clothes and makeup,
stay on top of laundry,
and pickup the house.
What is so hard?
Yes, as I've said again and again,
there are days where I lose my shit.
and I constantly text Adam about a hypothetical "take your toddler to work" day
because Oliver and I could REALLY use some time apart.
But still, amidst Oliver's reigning title of Captain Fusspants,
I can still shower, make dinner, and keep the house clean.
So what, exactly, is so hard?
Maybe it's just coping with the loneliness that gets some people done.
I do miss the imaginary gaggle of SAHM friends.
Maybe it's a mental game?
I don't know.
What your theory?